It’s kind of been a while since I wrote a post about what was happening fertility wise (or not as the case may be) I’ve not really felt like sharing every step of this journey, 1, because that would be rather boring and 2, because it’s hard enough dealing with it day by day, as well as writing it all down. It becomes a bit all consuming, the ever disappointing cycle so it’s good to not constantly be putting fingers to keyboard, writing about it as well. My last post back in April was about my husband and I having made the decision to start IVF. A lot has happened since then, lots of clinic appointments and so, so many injections. I’ve made a diary of sorts, talking about everything to date. This isn’t my usual post, it’s a little more erratic but hopefully conveys the crazy few weeks I’ve had.
Chatting to another mum in the park recently, we both recognised that we have already started to hear other children (generally older) telling our daughters ‘no’. Little things like, you can’t come on the slide because ‘you’re a baby’ or ‘no you can’t play with us’. It seems that meanness starts to creep in, even at such a young age. Both my friend and I agreed of the importance of trying to raise our girls to be ‘strong’. And by strong, I don’t mean so that my daughter can physically fight back, windmill arms style (although occasionally this might be needed, see later point below), I mean that I want her to be able to stand up for herself, know when people are being mean or unfair and be able to hold her own.
I won’t lie. I’m having a bit of a hard time with the small person at the moment. Another ‘phase’ has crept up on me and it doesn’t seem to be passing anytime soon. The terrible twos were tough (which started before the kid turned two by the way) and now we’ve progressed into the threenager stage, which I thought was a myth damnit. This new phase is making me question everything that I’m doing as a parent. Me emotions are taking a bit of a battering. It’s safe to say that this is without a doubt, the hardest leap so far.
It’s happening. The road I never thought we’d have to go down, we’re on. We’re about to embark on IVF *pulls imaginary train whistle* After a fairly straightforward first pregnancy, naturally I assumed I’d easily conceive again but ever since an early miscarriage things have gone a bit wrong with my monthly cycle, and things just haven’t worked from this point on. Having IVF has obviously been talked about, it’s been in the back of my mind but I guess me and the husband both hoped that we wouldn’t get to that point. It’s been a possibility, something we may have to consider but I didn’t actually think we’d have to do it. Other people have IVF, I know so many that have had it, everyone knows someone whose had it these days, but I honestly thought it wouldn’t be me.
I’m into week two of the Easter Holidays and boy, am I finding it a little on the difficult side. See, the kids nursery stops for the holidays so that’s me out of my lovely day and a half that I have to myself and I’m not afraid to admit that I’ve found it really tough. That day and a half is when I ‘get shit done’. I write, I edit, I surf the net, I waste time on social media (obvs) I do admin, house-min and most importantly get the chance to sit in a coffee shop uninterrupted. It’s much needed time away from my sidekick, as much as I love her. She’s full speed my daughter, a bruiser in a princess dress, a Duracell bunny, she’s all go and no, I wouldn’t have her any other way, but as we sidled into week two of the break, because she’s with me with 24/7, I’ve been reminded how incredibly moany, whiney, and three year old-esque she is. My patience has worn thin. I’ve uttered more empty threats in the last few days than I have in the last year. The only thing that has been giving me comfort is the amount of other parents I’ve seen muttering and shouting at their own children to, ‘WILL YOU JUST LISTEN!’. Thank god it’s not just me.