I won’t lie. I’m having a bit of a hard time with the small person at the moment. Another ‘phase’ has crept up on me and it doesn’t seem to be passing anytime soon. The terrible twos were tough (which started before the kid turned two by the way) and now we’ve progressed into the threenager stage, which I thought was a myth damnit. This new phase is making me question everything that I’m doing as a parent. Me emotions are taking a bit of a battering. It’s safe to say that this is without a doubt, the hardest leap so far.
It’s happening. The road I never thought we’d have to go down, we’re on. We’re about to embark on IVF *pulls imaginary train whistle* After a fairly straightforward first pregnancy, naturally I assumed I’d easily conceive again but ever since an early miscarriage things have gone a bit wrong with my monthly cycle, and things just haven’t worked from this point on. Having IVF has obviously been talked about, it’s been in the back of my mind but I guess me and the husband both hoped that we wouldn’t get to that point. It’s been a possibility, something we may have to consider but I didn’t actually think we’d have to do it. Other people have IVF, I know so many that have had it, everyone knows someone whose had it these days, but I honestly thought it wouldn’t be me.
I’m into week two of the Easter Holidays and boy, am I finding it a little on the difficult side. See, the kids nursery stops for the holidays so that’s me out of my lovely day and a half that I have to myself and I’m not afraid to admit that I’ve found it really tough. That day and a half is when I ‘get shit done’. I write, I edit, I surf the net, I waste time on social media (obvs) I do admin, house-min and most importantly get the chance to sit in a coffee shop uninterrupted. It’s much needed time away from my sidekick, as much as I love her. She’s full speed my daughter, a bruiser in a princess dress, a Duracell bunny, she’s all go and no, I wouldn’t have her any other way, but as we sidled into week two of the break, because she’s with me with 24/7, I’ve been reminded how incredibly moany, whiney, and three year old-esque she is. My patience has worn thin. I’ve uttered more empty threats in the last few days than I have in the last year. The only thing that has been giving me comfort is the amount of other parents I’ve seen muttering and shouting at their own children to, ‘WILL YOU JUST LISTEN!’. Thank god it’s not just me.
When you have a child, you get told so much. Oh my, so much information is thrown at you, either by yourself from reading books and online, or by professionals, friends, family and strangers. Everyone wants to reveal their tips and tricks to you. You get told how amazing it is, how exhausting you will find it, how babies are hard work, how times flies and how much they change. You get warned about the body changes, the sagging boobs and the slight potential change to the, erm, downstairs department and you get told about the stretch marks, but does anyone ever tell you about, ‘the fear?’ Let me just explain what I mean (sidenote: there’s no dramatic music when saying the words, the fear, although you can create if you want) I’m talking about that overactive imagination that kicks into gear as you’re trying to sleep at night, creating horrible scenarios from harmless activities or days out. Scenes are replayed in your head with alternative, horror endings. It’s all just tricks of the mind of course, but this parental fear wasn’t something I was prepared for when I became a mum.
I’ve documented my fertility struggles here on this blog, and someone who knows all about what I’m going through is one of my NCT buddies Lynn. Lynn blogs and hosts videos over on her You Tube channel, she’s a Chartered Senior Physiotherapist, Pilates Instructor, Birth Educator, Yoga & Meditation Junkie, oh and mum to a spirited three year old girl. Lynn has a great video presence and has created some really useful videos for women who are pregnant, but I’ve been on at her for a while now about putting together tips and videos for those like me, who are having fertility issues, and finally she’s listened, hurrah. Here Lynn writes a guest post for me, where she chats to an acupuncture expert about what acupuncture is, and how stress and lifestyle play a big part in infertility.