Hello there! I’ve been a bit absent of late, sorry about that. March and April turned into eternal sickness for both me and Olivia, and with that I found myself feeling rather down with zero energy, and no will or want to sit down and write anything other than a shopping list. But, after a short break to Cornwall, albeit not entirely relaxing (looks sideways at the kid), I’ve found some mojo again and I want to talk about my body (in a non-sexeh, R-Kelly singing way, okay) My body has changed a lot over the past few years, especially after having a baby but exactly a year and a half after having her, I found my ideal weight, it felt good and my monthly cycle was back on track. Things felt like they had gotten back to normal.
But then life threw a curve ball at me and I had an early miscarriage. When I wrote in January about this, I didn’t really want to dedicate anymore posts to it as I felt like that one post would be enough. However as the months have gone by, I’ve started to notice some changes in my body, things that I didn’t really know would happen. After the miscarriage (I hate using this term by the way as it seems such a hard word), I did what any woman desperate for information does and that’s Google and read online forums. I read comments like, ‘I got pregnant straight after my miscarriage!’, ‘you’re more fertile after it happens!’, ‘I felt totally fine!’, ‘my body got straight back to normal!’, so I was holding out quite a lot of hope and wasn’t really expecting much else beyond a rather heavy period. However, we’re now in May and after finally piecing a few things together (okay it was actually my sister who joined the dots together for me) I’ve realised that, despite only having been a few weeks pregnant, it not continuing has caused quite a few upsets to my body.
First things first, my monthly cycle has gone completely nuts, bananas, doolally. It’s gone off the scale. I’ve been a bog standard 30 day lady for a few years now however from January until now, I’ve gone from 34 days to 33, to 26 (!!) then back to 30, I’m all over the shop. There is no pattern to it at present which is rather frustrating when you are still trying to get pregnant because the times when my cycle has been longer, has meant another month where I’ve thought ‘things’ have worked only to be disappointed a day or so later. Bugger. I’ve also found that I now get rather bad period pains, something that only occasionally troubled me before. I seem to get pains just before my period starts then all the way through. I’ve also had strong pains at other times, again something I attribute to the miscarriage and perhaps my body ‘getting back to normal’ (whatever normal now is) My last body change is that my boobs have grown slightly, wahoo! But they still hang round my knees, boo! This has been yet another confusing signal each month as I couldn’t quite work out up until now, if they had always been like that, things get blurred when you are desperate for a sign that you are pregnant. All these things are body changes that I put down to that small dose of hormones given and then taken away, my poor body. It’s been a rather confusing few months that’s for sure.
What I think I’ve learnt is that yes it’s fine to read those forums, but I am not those women commenting. You need to take things you read with a pinch of salt (which unfortunately you don’t always do during highly charged emotional times) Just because ‘squirrel1978’ got pregnant straight away after her miscarriage, that doesn’t mean that you will and in fact, for me personally I think it’s taken my body until now, May, five months down the line to ‘right’ itself again. I needed to give myself time, which unfortunately in the world of ‘my head’ has been very hard when I have a main goal and that’s to have another baby. So to any ladies out there who have gone through the same or who are in a similar situation, unfortunately giving yourself a bit of time is often the best medicine. Time for your body to ‘sort it’s shit out’ and calm down. Once it’s done that then I think, hopefully we’re good to go again