October was a really crap month. It was one of those months that when it’s done you think, ‘thank Christ for that’. Nothing bad happened, no one died and no one got hurt, I’m not talking that kind of bad, but it was a month of eternal sickness from both the husband and kid and I was the one running around picking up the pieces. There were long days with constant moaning and crying from the baby and general moaning from the husband. There was very little sleep had by anyone, when there is coughing on your right and a crying baby in the next room, it’s pretty hard to get any kind of shut eye. And even when everyone finally got to sleep, I found myself lying there wide awake, my brain whirring away. Thinking about my life and what I do now, looking after the small person and being a mum. I got thinking, being a mum is so many things but ultimately looking after and caring for your family is the biggie, that’s your main role and under that umbrella comes many things, things that I didn’t appreciate until now.
Sometimes when I walk along the river into town (I do a heck of a lot of walking to make the baby sleep/stop crying etc etc) I walk past various memorial benches. I always find myself reading the inscriptions, and sometimes I’ve found – it’s possibly the hormones- that they make me quite emotional. They always get me thinking about my family, things that have happened and what may happen. I think about Olivia growing up. In a flash before my eyes I’ve seen her leaving home to go travelling round the world, it’s quite mad how your overactive mind can do this to you. Part of me doesn’t want her to grow up, I want her to stay my baby for ever but part of me does too (obviously she will!) I want her to live an amazing life, I want her to see wonderful things and travel the world, I want and wish everything for her. Life whizzes by us all too quickly now doesn’t it.