I won’t lie. I’m having a bit of a hard time with the small person at the moment. Another ‘phase’ has crept up on me and it doesn’t seem to be passing anytime soon. The terrible twos were tough (which started before the kid turned two by the way) and now we’ve progressed into the threenager stage, which I thought was a myth damnit. This new phase is making me question everything that I’m doing as a parent. My emotions are taking a bit of a battering. It’s safe to say that this is without a doubt, the hardest leap so far.
The small person is such a mix of emotions that I struggle to keep up with her roller coster. She can be so funny, adorable and silly one minute, then moaning, angry and full of rage the next. Her constant change in character makes her tricky to deal with, and often when I’ve had a day of moaning I react badly. It’s like she’s pushed all the buttons she can until she hits the red button. I shout, we shout at each other, she has time out, she goes to her room. Sometimes this works, sometimes nothing works. I’ve questioned my parenting skills more times than I care to remember recently. To top things off, we’ve just had a few days away and it was somewhat challenging. Yes challenging, not relaxing or the lovely family time as we’d hoped. The kid had a cold which didn’t help, and then the excitement of being somewhere new completely threw her. I should’ve realised this would happen after our somewhat similarly disastrous trip to Cornwall last year (we’re idiots). It’s safe to say she hardly slept and neither did we. Tiredness in adults and kids just doesn’t mix and we spent most of our few days away battling with moaning and anger.
When we got home I felt pretty empty. Knackered from lack of sleep and energy from dealing with the kid. Then I started to question my parenting and everything I’ve been doing. Do I cause her to be the way she is? Is it because of me that she is a ‘spirited child’? Am I doing something wrong? What am I doing wrong? Is my shouting going to cause her to have problems further down the line? I’ve felt pretty down about this, worrying that I’m doing a shit job. Being a mum is hand on heart the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I have such a fear that I’m shaping this little individual and that I’m doing it the wrong way. I’m trying to teach her things whilst recognising and trying to accept the personality faults within me. I’m trying to control those faults and not pass them onto her. I love this crazy girl with all my heart but gosh, trying to deal with the varying emotions that emit from her and if I admit it, from me too are hard. I posted on Instagram about our trip away and had some amazingly positive comments, the most prominent being that this is a phase, simply that and ‘it too shall pass’. I will try and remember this. Deep breaths.