This post was supposed to be something else entirely. It was about now that I was due to share my exciting news with you all. News that I’ve literally been planning in my head for weeks now. I’ve tried not to let my mind run away but you can’t help it. Finally after two and a bit years of trying for a second baby, our IVF back in September was successful. We were that couple who just needed a little IVF help and it worked first time! I’d finally allowed myself to buy pregnancy vitamins and let myself glance that little bit longer at women with bumps thinking, ‘me soon’. And our awesome daughter was finally going to be a big sister. But, oh.
This post has been on the go, in draft for a while now. Each month I think I’ve found a new way to deal with the dreaded Two Week Wait (TWW) but the reality is I haven’t, so I’ve put this off for another month to see if I find that miracle distraction. Now I’ve reached the two year mark of trying for another baby, it seemed as good a time as any to put this out there. For any woman trying to get pregnant dealing with the TWW royally sucks. You’re looking out for the tiniest of symptoms that may or not mean pregnancy, but those symptoms are rather cruelly the same as getting your period. Lovely, no? Personally I find that the first week is fairly easy and passes without too much thought, but week two, ooh that’s the struggle. Those negative thoughts start to creep in and I often find myself lying awake at night running through various scenarios. I sway from completely normal to teetering on the precipice of doom the next. And it’s around this time that I catch myself staring at women with pregnant bumps, feeling that empty space in my heart. It’s an altogether rather horrible cycle to be in.
When it comes to talking about fertility problems, some prefer to keep theirs behind closed doors. Perhaps fearful of confirming their issues out loud, of letting others know or perhaps fearful of letting emotions get the better of us. Not being able to have a baby is a hugely emotive topic. But having problems getting pregnant isn’t something we should be ashamed. If someone asks the question, ‘so when are you having another one’, they shouldn’t be surprised when they get the truthful answer of, ‘we’re having problems with that actually’. I shared a photo on my Instagram page recently and the positive response that it had overwhelmed me. Several women shared their own stories of fertility problems and just knowing that others have walked the same path helped immensely.