I saw a card the other day on Gin Bunny Prints that made me laugh. Laugh out loud because it was funny but also, because I am THAT person. I am the one who generally has ‘too much fun’ and has to be put in a taxi at 9pm. The one who has to be taken home by the husband before he’s even had a chance to say hello to everyone in the room. I am the one who can’t say no to a passing tray of fizz (who can?!) or to someone offering me a drink, even if I already have one. I’m a yes person when it comes to alcohol. Its kind of funny that I am this person, it was definitely hilarious when I was in my twenties, I was the bloody life and soul I tell you!! And my staying power was more in the AM’s rather than the PM’s as it is now, however, I’ve reached a point in my life now, where I don’t really like being that person anymore but I don’t know how to make the change? How to you change a mindset that’s lasted twenty years?

Its not just alcohol that I find it difficult to step away from (let me just point out here that I don’t have a drinking problem okay!) Sugar and caffeine are also culprits. Hilariously (or not so) I’m having big issues with face eczema at the moment and I know that if I made some simple changes to my diet, like cutting out sugar, caffeine and alcohol, I could probably help fix these issues, but I just can’t make the commitment? Why is that? Surely its quite simple? I’ve actually worked out that caffeine plays a big part in the eczema that I get on my face, yet nearly six months since the reactions started, I’m only now thinking ‘oh yeah, maybe I should cut coffee out?!’ I also know that alcohol doesn’t help eczema, as it can contain caffeine, and is just generally bad for you and your skin. I can certainly see that my face is a lot worse after a nights drinking, so why can’t I stop or cut out these things out altogether? I get so frustrated because I often make things harder for myself. My eczema is really getting me down, so why can’t I cut out the things that would help heal it?

Every few weeks I trundle off to my local health food shop, buy various supplements, teas, smoothie additives, etc and promise myself that this is the week that Emma becomes HEALTH WOMAN. I internally promise to sign up to yoga, run more and meditate every day but then, oh hello, what’s that you say? Friends are meeting at the pub on Friday night, oh okay then. Then suddenly its 3am (the Mr is looking after the baby obvs) and I’m heading home feeling dreadful, having drunk way too much, hitting a weekend ahead of looking after my baby feeling ropey and guilty, eating terrible food, feeling like total cack and a let down come Monday. Ahh the Monday self-flagellation blues. Why can’t I ever be the person who goes out JUST FOR ONE?! (Side note – has anyone, on record ever done this?!) Don’t get me wrong, I’m not completely unhealthy, I generally eat well, cook healthy meals mid week, experiment with healthy treats and exercise *cough-a bit-cough* and I try not to have that 6pm glass of wine Monday-Thursday. I just lack a bit of self control or that internal button that says ‘no’.

There are a few people whose blogs/websites I follow, that I envy for their healthiness. Jessica Ainscough was one, she sadly passed away earlier this year, Melissa Ambrosini is another, Natasha Corrett and Ella Woodward another. All insanely healthy, beautiful women who I can only aspire to be like. I’ve read their stories about why they made their big life changes and at the heart, it seems that they all hit rocky patches in different ways. Be it through bad habits, bad eating, illness, drinking or drugs, whatever, but by changing their lifestyle and diet they’ve turned things around for themselves mentally and physically. I don’t want to be these women but I would love to be able to do what they have done, make that leap and make the switch to a completely healthy lifestyle but something is holding me back.

Now that I’m a mum, I want to make sure I am fit and strong, and around for as long as possible to see my daughter grow up, so how do I force myself to make that extra leap? Speaking to my Dad the other day about trying to make certain dietary changes to help my eczema he simply said, ‘yes but that would all be very boring now wouldn’t it’, I love his honesty (!!) and I guess he’s kind of right. I think that’s possibly where I am coming from mentally at the moment. I know it would be good to have an organic, sugar, caffeine and alcohol free diet but, well, it just seems a bit boring doing that all the time, doesn’t it? I am trying to make the changes however, I really am. As I’m writing this, I’m eating my Deliciously Ella Sweet potato brownie (okay, I’ve had three) and drinking some matcha tea, but oh boy I’d bloody love a glass of Sav Blanc! Argh!! I think I will have to accept that at least I am trying to make the changes and that hopefully, is enough alone. Little by little, in my own time, slowly, slowly catchy monkey 🙂