It’s happening. The road I never thought we’d have to go down, we’re on. We’re about to embark on IVF *pulls imaginary train whistle* After a fairly straightforward first pregnancy, naturally I assumed I’d easily conceive again but ever since an early miscarriage things have gone a bit wrong with my monthly cycle, and things just haven’t worked from this point on. Having IVF has obviously been talked about, it’s been in the back of my mind but I guess me and the husband both hoped that we wouldn’t get to that point. It’s been a possibility, something we may have to consider but I didn’t actually think we’d have to do it. Other people have IVF, I know so many that have had it, everyone knows someone whose had it these days, but I honestly thought it wouldn’t be me.
The medical professionals I’ve seen to date haven’t really been interested in getting to the route cause of whatever is going wrong with me. I’ve found myself a little frustrated at times at this lack of real concern. A few weeks ago during one of my many internet searches, I made a connection that to date I can’t quite believe I hadn’t done so before. I remembered that despite stopping breast feeding a long while ago, I still produce milk. Google anything about producing breast milk post having a baby and you’ll read that it’s a natural protection against conceiving (although not fool proof ladies) It means your body is producing too much Prolactin and two of the side effects of this can be not ovulating regularly or suffering from irregular periods. I went back to my GP to get some drugs to stop this (which made me feel awful) and to have some blood tests repeated. At my follow up appointment, my doctor casually asked me whether anyone had ever talked to me about my Thyroid. And no they hadn’t, but apparently I have a mildly underactive Thyroid, and did at this point in time last year when I had the same blood tests done, but no one picked up on it (insert expletives here) Again Google underactive thyroid and you’ll find a link between that and fertility problems. Le Sigh. So herein lye two hormonal combinations that together, might have been limiting my chances of conceiving. Might being the operative word here because who knows, but joining these dots was a pretty big step forward in my eyes. What with these issues and time passing by (I’ll be 38 at the end of this year), we decided it was time to opt for IVF as we literally weren’t getting any results.
Now that we’ve actually opted this route, I feel so many things. I feel positive and hopeful that we’re moving forwards, something clearly isn’t working so hopefully having things done ‘scientifically’ will help. But on the flipside I’m also worried that it won’t work and of the amount of money we’re spending (we don’t get any NHS funding). And I’m gutted, angry and hugely frustrated that it’s come to this and that my body hasn’t righted whatever internal wrong is going on. I recalled a memory recently from two years ago of being with my NCT girls, and the first of us announcing she was pregnant with baby number two. We all laughed and joked about who would be next and I was up there as one of the possibles. Back then I could never have imagined that we’d be where we are now.
Since telling people about what we’re doing I had lots of lovely well meaning things said to me. Things like, ‘lots of people who decide to have IVF get pregnant before starting’ and I know, I’ve heard that but hey, that’s them and this is about me and that hasn’t happened sadly. I’ve had the, ‘maybe you’ll have twins’ comment and do you know what, I’ll just take whatever I’m given (although if I did have twins, I may regularly be found face down in wine). And I’ve had the, ‘what will you do if this doesn’t work?’ Oh boy, I really haven’t thought beyond this point and right now, that’s all I’m focusing on. I’m not knocking anyone whose said any of these things because I’ve said all of them too. When someone tells you they’re having IVF you want to say something useful and helpful, you want to give hope and these are the natural things to say. As with any sensitive situation, it’s only when you’re in it that you know what you don’t want to hear. I think just hearing someone wish you luck is the best thing. So here we go, wish me luck people.