The words to this letter have whirling around my head for a while now my, really since the day you were born, but the time hasn’t felt right to put those words down until now. I wanted to write you a letter at each birthday but I think this one alone will hopefully cover the last two years of your busy little life. I’ve got so many things to say to you, to tell you and to let you know about, but I’ll try to keep this simple and not prattle on too much. I’ll get the slushy stuff out of the way first, okay?
Since the day you were born you have provided me with a whole load of happiness. Good God it’s been a rollercoaster ride along the way as there have been many sleepless nights, nights where I never thought I’d make it through to the other side but I did, you just do. And there’s been a whole heap of worry and tears thrown in to the mix too, but on the whole it’s been pretty awesome. I’ll admit it took me a while to bond to you, the whole labour business was rather exhausting to say the least. And it’s a crazy thing having a strange, new person with you who you’ve never met before, but given time, as I got to know you better my love grew and now, it grows that little bit more every day. Now you are two, you are a proper little person, with real (albeit often irrational and screamy) emotions and feelings. You say the funniest things, things that make me laugh so much. Things that don’t sound funny written down, but coming out of your mouth, hilarious. You run everywhere, you wave and say hello to random strangers and dogs, you are amazing. I look at you sometimes and feel like my heart might explode on the spot. It’s a overwhelming yet wonderful feeling, I just can’t imagine my life without you now.
I worry every day that I’m not doing the right thing by you. Being a first time mum can be very dauting at times. I worry that I’m getting things wrong, not feeding you enough vegetables, not feeding you enough full stop, shouting too much (I do shout) or not doing enough with you (we do loads) I have a lot of guilt in various ways but by in large, I think I’m doing okay. You are a huge personality already and you are a confident little being. You are more than happy to go and play with children you don’t know, to hang with your older cousins or to hold a random lady’s’ hand at playgroup doing the hokey cokey. You never like to feel you are missing out or being told what to do, you like to do things on your own, or your own way, no help required thank you. You are almost totally independent and old before your time little one, my heart you are growing up so fast.
A wonderful thing about having you, is that you bought me closer to my family. Something magical happened when you were born, you gave me a ‘chance’. A chance to make up for past wrong doings and mistakes. I see so much more of my family now, it really is something that I will forever be grateful for. Without you I’d be back at work, probably sitting on my bottom behind a desk doing a job I hated, so you have given me freedom. Okay not quite the freedom to do what I want, as that ‘freedom’ generally involves the park, swings, soft play or general chasing but I’m okay with that. I’d take hanging with you over being at work any day.
With the slushy bit over, here are a few things I’d like you to know about, things that I wish I’d known when I was younger. These are my pearls of wisdom to you my love, to do with what you wish: Get your little face in the sunshine as much as possible, the sun doesn’t get out much in this country so relish it, it will make you happy and warm. But remember to take care of your skin and use sun cream. Look after your teeth, I know it’s boring brushing them but that is generally what a person looks at first when you give them a nice big smile. Try not to let boys govern any big decisions you make. I let that happen far too often when I was younger and I look back often with regret. In the same vein, try not to let overbearing friends rule you. Girls can be mean things and it takes a confident girl to step away from her friends, to be different and say, ‘no’ but that shouldn’t stop your real friends liking you. Keep being YOU. Laugh lots, you already have a cheeky cackle so remember to use it and be kind and polite to others. Read lots, reading stories can take you away to magical places. Remember to write thank you cards, it’s boring writing them but it’s the right thing to do, and if you ever learn to drive, park considerately, no one likes a selfish parker. And finally just know that things generally work out okay in the end, no matter what.
As I try to finish this letter, you are stood on a chair in front of me screaming and shouting, something about ‘wanting to see Daddy NOW!’, with various other names thrown in as well, talk about bringing me back down to earth with a bump.
Love you X